Love Blog - Men & Women’s Life After Eden

While there are a few urban legends about boys and girls who met in kinder garden, became friends, held hands until the age of 18, got married and lived happily ever after, — in reality, it’s mostly different. People meet, come together, experiment, see if the new partner meets their needs, then switch partners, experiment some more, until they think they find the right one who gives them what they need and fills in all the holes in their heart. We only get married once (well, maybe 2-3), but before that we get into dozens of relationships, face different personalities, explore difficulties and differences. Here are 5 signs that the relationship is going downhills, and is heading to its tragic end.

1. Stereotype labeling. When we first meet the person, we have stereotypes in our minds that help us to “classify” the person. Once we are in a relationship — these stereotypes tend to vanish and we develop a strong vision of who we are dating — it’s a personality on its own, not a “sort of guy / girl that…”. When feelings fade, we get back to this stereotypic vision, especially when something irritates us, and once feelings are (almost) dead — there will always be something to piss us off. If you notice that after a long and cosy relationship your partner started to think of you in a stereotypic manner, classifying you, especially if the classification misses the target — it’s an obvious sign that either your partner has someone new and in comparison you are losing score, or he / she just got tired of you and you are turning to a burden.
2. Lack of Support. When we are blindly in love, we are ready to do anything for the person we love. When we are rationally loving our partner for certain qualities, we will still do anything for him or her, because we enjoy supporting and showing love to those we care about. Like in the previous paragraph, when love is dying, the object of our yesterday’s desire turns to a bothersome burden and we seek to get rid of it under this pretext or another. Obviously, sacrificing our precious time to support and care of someone we don’t want in our life anymore would not fit in the plans.
3. Small problems drag big scandals. This a very good sign of strong dissatisfaction in a relationship, — when one is starting with a comment about a regular, everyday problem, and end up in a discussion (on a raised tone) about the downsides, downfalls and disadvantages of each other. Either we start blaming our partner for these small everyday problems (no milk ‘cos you didn’t buy, dirty floor ‘cos you didn’t clean, can’t work cos you have a full-volume TV on, etc), or we unintentionally use these problems as a start-up platform for a bigger fight in which we can finally let go of all the bitterness and negativity, saying what we really think and what doesn’t suit us. As I said, people do it sub-consciously and are not aware of WHY they start, which is why it’s a “good” objective sign that something goes wrong and the relationship is heading to a trash can.
4. Sudden Raise of Standards. Another sequence of thought that starts going though our minds without our awareness, once the love is fading and giving space to rational mind. When your boyfriend met you, he loved you as you are and didn’t mind the few extra kilograms around your waist, but suddenly he doesn’t hesitate to point at Halle Berry as the ideal girl and of course he wouldn’t settle on anything less. When you met your girlfriend she did not mind your minimum wage salary, but now it’s somewhat a problem, it’s not enough for what she wants and you’re doubtlessly not what she could wish for in life. In other words — “suddenly”, you are not good enough and keep failing, disappointing and irritating with your habits, qualities, family and everything that comes in tow.
5. Avoiding each other’s company. When we get sick of our parter, the last thing we want is to spend time in his or her presence. We don’t enjoy it, we only face fights, and basically, we just don’t have the urge to run and spend every second of our life with him or her anymore. This is where miscellaneous pretexts start; getting late from work, various duties elsewhere that cannot be delayed, more work, more time with friends, and so on. People sometimes even unintentionally seek a “good” and “natural” reason to spend their time somewhere without the current partner’s presence.

So, these are, I think, 5 most obvious and significant factors that can undeniably indicate loss of interest in a relationship with you. If you notice that your long-term partner is showing sign of one or more of the indicators listed above, it’s safe to say you are no longer the center of his attention… Basically, if he or she only came to the point that they remind themselves the bad things that happened to you two and deny the existence of the good times you had together, it’s time to move on.

One Response to “5 Obvious Signs That Your Relationship is Dying”

1. Decor Gal Says:
   September 14th, 2007 at 8:43 pm

   You will break up with everybody that you ever date, until you meet the last person that you will date. Whoever that is

   As for the 5 signs, a lot of those seem to be things that occur when one or the other person in the relationship is unhappy, and they are trying to make it come to an end.

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