Love Blog - Men & Women’s Life After Eden

While the best would be “DON’T fight in the first place”, we still can’t ignore the fact that any couple occasionally has fights. Some fight more often, some rarely, some fight over small things while others only raise a riot when it’s really a matter of life and death. It all depends on how sensitive and hot-blooded both parts in the relationship are.

Let’s assume that, for whatever reasons, you do fight with the person you love. Although it’s hard, try to stay reasonable. Try not to say things with intention to hurt, or rather with ONLY intention to hurt. Even if the fight seem to be heading far and will probably have some long term consequences, the chances that you will split after this fight are slim, therefore whatever you say, will be used against you for the rest of your life, especially if you are a man and arguing with your beloved spouse.

First of all, don’t fight, argue. If the argument has some reasonably recognizable basis (even so called “blind jealousy” has a bit of a basis) — either agree and admit your mistakes, or bring on some proves and contra-arguments that will put an end to the unreasonable accusations.

Remember that most arguments are probably pointless, i.e. after one month they are forgotten and the issues they brought up are buried. They really don’t worth energy wasting on, yet we still do. Try to make them as short as possible (if they already pop up against your will, initiated by your partner) and try to following a reasonable guidelines:

• Think first and don’t lose common sense: is there anything (and I mean a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g) that could be achieved from the argument at least at this point of the fight? If the answer is “NO” (and it’s likely to be), just stop talking, no matter how angry you are and cut the fight.
• Don’t repeat yourself over and over. Making your point once is much more powerful than repeating it over and over again, hysterically shouting, yelling, begging, screaming, crying. Once you repeat it many times it may as well lose point, rather than gain it.
• Don’t respond to words that were meant to make you angry. Ignore them as hard as it may seem. Sometimes you know your partner say things just to provoke and make you angry, hoping you will respond. Don’t give your partner the pleasure, ignore it and you will save yourself nerves and enjoy seeing him or her practically burning from anger, only because you did not react. Most common way to bait you would be saying something like: “You are just like your father!” (especially if there are enough negative references) or… “You always do the same thing!” — recognize such statements and leave them out.
• Don’t expect your partner to admit mistakes. In a middle or in the end of the fight, never mind how endlessly you were right, don’t push your partner to admit he or she was wrong and worst of all, admit that your suggest to put this fight to an end was brilliant. You both know it, no need to have it said out loud.

Basically, the best way to win in a fight is to avoid it. Even if things already started to heat up, you can change theme, switch your partner’s attention to something else (if you manage to switch somehow to intimacy — it’s best, because you both can convert your boiling energy into something useful and no less exhausting).

One of the famous psychologists say that “In the best relationships, there remain serious pockets of unresolved bitterness” — it’s a fact that arguments never fully get settled and it’s normal. The trick is o know how to handle them with minimum damage for yourself and your partner / relationship.

2 Responses to “How to fight with your partner the “right” way?”

1. Hoto Says:
   September 28th, 2007 at 11:15 am

   the titel was so good. i tought you tell me how to fight really hard, and then i read don`t fight argue. i was so disapointed. lol

2. live outside the box Says:
   October 6th, 2007 at 12:59 am

   yeah i agree that the title is so catchy… yet i like this one though thank you for this, yes in every relationship we cannot avoid arguments because this is how you and your partner will grow up

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