This entry was posted on Sunday, October 28th, 2007 at 8:10 pm and is filed under Lifestyles. If you like this post, please subscribe to our RSS Feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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October 28, 2007
While internet can be a great source of information and help us find background and guides on many subjects, it can as well mislead us. Since I have a great deal of interest in BDSM, I occasionally browse websites on this subject, just to take a peak at what’s new. It seems like all the techniques and tools has froze in the medieval ages, thankfully, that part does not evolve, but… I am amazed to see the amount of “gurus” who tell their stories online and “guide” and “educate” the beginners.
I put it all between quotes, because as being someone who tried most of what BDSM lifestyle has to offer, and as someone who tried both roles, I am surprised, to say the least, at how confidently these boys and girls are advocating things they obviously either did not try, or did not try properly.
For instance, there is a lady on youtube giving lessons in BSDM, and among her advices, is to choose a whip with a not long enough handle, for better ability to grab it. While it’s correct yet in my opinion not any crucial (after all, you can just hold it closer to the edge), she does emphasize that there is a big variety of straps, yet straps themselves do not play a role.
Haha, hell they do!
There are whips with wired straps (lighter reproduction of the original bull-whip), which with a little effort can kill your partner, or open the skin on the area on the hit. There are also “just” leather straps that normally come in a “bunch” of 5, 6 or 9, they look like a loose brush and are practically there just for fun and the visual effect, rather than pain. Or, there are the same variation of the “brush” whip, only with rubber straps, which cause the most inflicting pain you can imagine. There is a huge difference between each and every design, and it just seems too silly to me, when one makes a whole video explaining what holder must a whip have, while it’s importance is rather small.
Also, I happened to browse other videos on youtube and learnt that “paddle” and “whip” is almost the same thing. Again, for who is it the same thing? Everything would feel more or less the same, unless you start to apply power, and that is where big difference starts. Long (40cm+) and thick paddle used from standing position can leave bruises that will stick around for months(!), while whip’s signs are normally gone within 1-8 days, depending on the intensity, not to mention that careless use of a paddle can break your bones, and whip cannot — however, this 18 years old boy who spoke about it seen no difference.
What I find sad is, that these are popular sources of info for teens, they seemed to be trustworthy to a beginner as they come from someone of their age, who claims to have tried it all, and obviously you would believe someone with greater experience in this area.
Take for instance this girl, who has released about 40+ videos where she is teaching safe BDSM relationship and explaining the psychology behind it in urban terms. In this video she is saying that men choose to be sadistic in order to be more than they are in reality. Well, sure there is such a theory, especially relevant for those who feel inadequate about their size, however, saying it’s the “reason” for men’s dominance is just a wrong conclusion. There are many types of men and each of them choose to be sadistic or masochistic, submissive or dominant — for his own reasons. Some choose to be submissive because it takes them back to their childhood and their parent/child relationship, others get aroused from so-called “medical submission” (when a partner submits himself to humiliating or painful medical procedures), others just enjoy the release of endorphin (released off pain; self or caused by a partner) and others choose a submissive role out of fear to disappoint in a more “leading” role. Having said that, these are only a few I can come up with at the moment, there are hundreds of reasons and each and every individual relationship carries its own luggage of wills, wishes and desires as well as reasons for them.
My point is, if you wish to be properly introduced to SM, or BDSM lifestyle, do NOT gather chaotically spread information online. Out of 20 “teachers”, maybe 1 would tell you truth based on his/her own experience, and again, they have to outline the important parts (safety tips, what not to try, regardless how sexy it looks on photos) and not just speak out about their relationship with their ex, simply because they have no one else to talk to, except the webcam broadcasted on youtube.
My advice is, use your common sense, start very “light” and proceed further if you feel your partner is okay with it, or better off — buy a book written by a psychologist first (not another self published SM guru) and get introduced in theory before taking the risk of getting harmed on practice.
July 16th, 2008 at 7:25 am
Internet is very powerful. And as every channel of communication it might be abused and mislead people. Nothing new.