This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 28th, 2007 at 4:20 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. If you like this post, please subscribe to our RSS Feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
.
November 28, 2007
Continues from part 1 and part 2.
The morning after our first meeting, my dream to wake up with Tom did not come true. Simply because we did not sleep at all… 
We just spend an absolutely unimaginable night and waited for the morning, to go for breakfast. I don’t know if that night we reached the stars, or touched heavens, or stood under shower of stardust, or surfed on a rainbow (and no, we did not take any drugs) — but it felt amazing..
We went down for a breakfast, got 2 piles of salami and cheese, and each of us started to make his own pile (?????) of food. As I am a slave of my own habits, I sent him a morning sms, like always (yes, while sitting at the same table!) but he did not reply, which I hope does not confirm what I said earlier, about him not liking me… Anyway, we went back to the 3rd floor, and at this point I started to realize that this is in fact our last day together (even if only for now). We made pictures and movies together, we talked, we fooled around and froliced. I wanted to get drunk, while he wanted to go and buy himself a ticket back, because his train was leaving too early in the morning. I couldn’t help my frustration, we could practically count hours before he leaves, and at some point I said I went to the bathroom and tears just started to roll down my cheeks, but I had to wipe them off fast as I did not want him to notice it. It reminded me my youth concerts when I was crying before but had to wipe the tears, go on stage and smile — show must go on.
We drunk red wine with coca cola (dragonic combination on empty stomach, but it tasted good. No idea how he came up with such a mixture!), ate snacks, and just looked at each other..
Towards the evening we went to the train station to get his ticket. The streets were covered with snow, that looked gold-glittering under the yellow street lamps. I did not see snow for ages, it was a totally new place for me, I did not know Brandys, and it’s safe to say I did not really know Tommi, but we walked there hand in hand, like we have been going through these streets for many years now, like we have known each other forever, like this is our land, our world, our universe..
Tom gave in to my 2-days begging to get drunk, and when we got back to the hotel we went drinking beer. Yay!
Beer did not nuke him as fast as it nuked me; I was already giggling like a tickled piggy after one big glass, while he kept his head quit clear up until 3 glasses. We started talking pretty openly, alcohol neutralized the heavy air and we just talked like 2 very close friends, laughed (with each other, not AT each other, hard to believe, I know)… As being devoted computer maniacs, we were just too used to seeing each others “on screens” (this whole 3D meeting was so unusual!), and again, we could not resist the temptation of playing with our mobiles, only this time it was in open (see above).
When he got drunk, the “disadvantage” was that his tongue fell loose, and I got to hear what he really thinks about me and the past 2 days. Can’t say it was what I expected to hear (even tho I was aware of it already) plus he wanted to brag and exhibited all his knowledge in Russian underground slag. We can say I was impressed… We went to finish our last 2 glasses in the corridor of the third floor where I remember crawling from the room to the armchair and back (yes I was that drunk). He told me many things he never said before and I really enjoyed our conversation, not because we were drunk and the world seemed perfect, but because he could actually keep up a great company, both interesting and entertaining. When we were going upstairs, he also took my coat together with his, a little fact that, for some reason, impressed me and melted me. I don’t remember any of my ex boyfriends doing it.
After having read tons of romantic literature in my childshood, of course I was naturally wishing for a different end. Most of the fairytales I grew up on, had a “happy end” — the hero fell in love at first sight, married the princess and they lived happily ever after. I was hoping he will come and say “hell with everything, I stay here with you!”, or something similar, but my hopes, appearantly, were just a fruit of my optimistic imagination. The hero did not get down on his knees, the stars did not fall down… Nothing.
I was sitting on the bed crying without being able to shop while Tommi would not even look at me. I stepped on my pride and with a trembling voice asked my hero if he would stay, but the answer was ”no, I can’t”. He had to go back to his castle, and there is nothing on this planet I could do. The psychologist in me knew he does not look at me because maybe it’s hard for him too, but the woman in me was just hurt and empty inside. I felt like there is a bottomless abyss inside me, dark and hollow, with thousands of daemons screaming at him, begging him to stay. But… the chasm between my hopes and reality was too big.
When time has come, he hugged me and bid his farewell in almost silence. I could hardly see him leave because the tears totally blurred my vision.
A few minutes passed, it was around 5 in the morning, I sat on the bed shaking and hoping I will hear his foot steps back and he will knock… I pictured him coming back saying he can’t leave… After his train left (as much as I could count it’s approximate departure) and about 10 minutes passed, my last hope for his return burnt to ashes. It’s not healthy to be thrown from such a high level of happiness to such a low level of sadness, but again, there was nothing I could do. I just went to a shower and stood under the hot water for I think an hour, then sat on the bed, feeling like there is void under my skin. It was already full light, I sent him a little movie and he replied with his photo from a train. I knew I just have to accept the reality, with all the difficulties it sets, so it was time to pack my bags, get down to earth, move out of room Nr 9, and start my 4th day.
December 4th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Hi,
How much longer did you stay in Czech?
December 4th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
lol, guess this is how i made u feel during my stay?