This entry was posted on Saturday, December 1st, 2007 at 6:40 pm and is filed under Men's Zone, Mind Games, Women's Zone. If you like this post, please subscribe to our RSS Feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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December 1, 2007
Okay, Saturday night. You just had a romantic dinner, you talked and laughed, you discovered you have a lot in common and life seems beautiful than ever before, you can’t wait to get in a taxi and finally to be alone so you can explore your feelings and exhibit the previously learnt skills. But, remember, apart from the obvious bedroom mistakes, there are still a few things to concentrate on…
- “Ow, you are already there?!”
Now, imagine this scenario… you are a guy, ardently kissing your partner, teasing her… she begs to penetrate her but you tease her some more, until you finally enterrrr… Her moans tempo remains the same and 10 seconds after, in the heat of the passion, she repeats her plea to penetrate her. Uuuhm. Should you explain you are already there or tell her it’s just too big for her and you will have mercy on her tonight..? It sounds funny (or sad?), but it happens. If the guy does not have Apollo13 at his disposal, and if the girl is too aroused (which means she is not very tight anymore) AND moreover if you employed your hands beforehand, you might find yourself in a similar situation. Girls: make sure you don’t ask for something you already got. Guys, announce it out loud if you feel it might get overlooked.
- “Oh my dear John… I mean Matt!”
This also happens now and then. You’ve had a partner for years and got used to repeating a certain name in bed. It became more of a classical conditioning reflex rather than expression of a beloved name. After a few years you break up and you go to bed with someone else. Intimate atmosphere, your are making out, closing your eyes… (here comes our well-trained Pavlov’s dog) — whispering the incorrect name. Oops! It happened to me once and I got a hard slap in the face for it, since then I learnt one lesson: never ever call your partners by their names in bed. Give them a neutral pet name, because if in the heat of the passion you say “oh yes my panther, do it to me” instead of “oh yes my lion, don’t stop”, I promise you — it will cause no harm (just don’t panic yourself if you said something wrong!)
- “You have the biggest ____ ever!”
Boobs or dick. That is what all guys want to hear — that they have the biggest tool on the planet, and this is what all the girls want to hear — that their breasts leave you breathless. In reality however, only about 5% of males will have a truly memorable length (say, 7 inch and above), 4,8% of which are most likely already employed by the p*rn industry. While there are more women with bigger-than-average breasts size out there (as weight plays a direct role here), we still know that a Pamela Anderson is hard to come by. Yet flattery is good, but before telling your partner how you were blown away by their immeasurable, unforgettable and unheard-of size, make sure you took a look at least once at what they have to offer. They have friends, they watch adult movies, they read Wikipedia, they DO know what is big and what is not, be is breasts or penis. Guys, if your girlfriend’s bra tag is below Cup B, don’t shower her with complements about size (be creative, you can always complement the shape or skin’s texture or nipples or colour). Girls, use common sense, if the guy is shy about himself and it does not do it to you, it’s probably small (again, there are plenty of alternative complements to boost his ego with).
- “Damn, pass me the fresh-ones before it dries!”
When having sex, both of you will have some body fluids that tend to spill on the sheets. The nature built us the way that men tend to spill more of them in often in a more chaotic fashion. If you are not doing it on your mom and dad’s bed while they are away and have to destroy any evidence of sin, you should not worry about these life-fluids been spread all over. If they are on the bedsheets and clothes, they will go down easily in washing (even after a few days), and if they have ended on your body, no harm can happen, no disease will pass through your skin and I only suggest to wash your hands and genitals (directly after) to avoid any accident (remember, sperm might live more than 1 day!). So, girls, running to wash off your hero-lover’s essence is nothing but offending. Guys, don’t panic, if her fluids are all over the place, means you weren’t that bad!
- “Okay, let’s sum it up…”
Hmmm…Let’s not. After the exciting quest for discovering unearthly pleasures you can lay together in silence and cuddle, you can continue the verbal praise of each other’s performance, you can eat and watch TV, you can do whatever, just for Christ sake, don’t sit to analyze the event. Surely there were moments you did not like, but be sure your partner probably also was not 100% happy about your play. There is always something to fix or improve, however, if you decided that it was a total crap and you DON’T wish to see this guy anymore, just sit up on the bed after, and outline everything you did not like, don’t forget to say your ex was doing it much, MUCH better and that it was pretty short / long compared to others. To MANY others you have had before. I would also go into great details what exactly was so poor about his performance and what aspects bored you. Unless he is a total masochist, you won’t see him again.
December 2nd, 2007 at 1:34 pm
The end of this gets a little harsh
haha…but I guess if it sucked and you don’t want to see him it’s a good tactic…btw I would be really upset if my girl cried out someone elses name but like you stated it can become a habit after so long.
December 2nd, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Nice blog, keep it up!
December 5th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
This made for a good laugh and some embarrasing memories as well. I have no idea why girls want to hear they have the biggest boobs, I’m certainly not one of them. I was certainly blessed in that area, but don’t want to complimented on them.
December 7th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
hmm… a funny and a sex thing.. exciting…