Love Blog - Men & Women’s Life After Eden

This is a tricky question because every guy is different. One will not be able to enjoy unless the play gets rougher, while others develop a complex if you slightly bite their buttocks.  Moreover, it depends on the mood (yes, guys also have different moods, but they are always “in the mood” for it, only depends HOW they want it). So all you can do is, with a little background knowledge, sometimes adjust to his moods and by this give him the best emotional experience.

The Alpha Male.

For instance, if your partner has just won in a game, signed an important contract at work or did anything else that gave him a feeling of being a “winner”,  his testosterone level will go up and he would prefer any kind of “animalistic” sex or a just quickie against a wall. When he is in such a mood, he is unlikely to want to participate in any play where he takes a submissive role.

If the guy is an state of being an “excited winner”, all you need to do is tease him a little bit (with maybe a small strip tease) and make him come and take his prize. He would probably be very active, creative and maybe even nicely-aggressive.

The Sensual Touch.

Women tend to believe that guys only want rough action, while in reality many men do want close and intimate soft sensuality.  They want to be touched and caressed not only after or before intimacy, but also during (don’t we all?). While all living creatures always react positively to warmth and love, there are situations when this can be especially appreciated. For example, after a dangerous trip, or after any changes you both or he has undergone or just experimenting something unusual — men would prefer a soft, loving and sensual act that will make him feel your love and closeness. Anything that is face-to-face, gentle and involves maximum physical closeness will be good after any sort of stressful situation.

The post-stress situations make us crave for a warm and healing touch, so if you feel your men is in such state, create an atmosphere where the aim is not reaching the peek and climax, but to get close and enjoy this physical and emotional union.

The knocked-down boy.

The reality is dynamic, and a guy who has just yesterday been successful and was in a mood to be an “alpha male”, may get hit by his work, annoyed by financial situation or just fight with relatives and be brought down. Even if he is not down to the point of completely not being in a mood for sex, he still won’t feel like pushing the limits of sex and creativity in bed.

If your guy is worn out, just take all the activity on yourself and rock his world without demanding innovations or even expecting too much.

In conclusion, sometimes it is not the position or actual sexy trick that makes your intimacy better, but adjusting perfect to your partner’s state of mind and emotional needs.

1. Forgotten to be faithful
Infidelity is an ugly word and when it becomes a reality, things can get nasty. Being faithful in spite of the attractive new employee in Accounting, may be difficult but it is crucial to the strength of your relationship.

2. No Chemistry, Biology… nothing!
The first year, you can’t keep your hands off each other. But now things are cooling down. Your hands are now firmly in your pockets. That warm feeling in your heart doesn’t seem to make it flutter at all. Chemistry seems to have taken a backseat.

3. Why can’t you be like me!
Some couples specialise in Change Management. They try to mould each other into their own mental images of what the other should be! That’s treading dangerous ground.

4. Jealousy in all it’s ugliness
Worried that your partner is doing better than you are? You find it difficult to smile when they do well at work? These could be signals that your heart is not set right.

5. Insecurity
When you don’t feel good enough to be loved and pampered the way you are, then you can be sure that insecurity is at work in your life. Unless you have self worth and think yourself worthy of attention, you can’t expect to be loved.

6. Misdirected prioritisation
Where does your relationship stand on your priority list? If it’s after ‘friends’, ‘parents-in-law’ and ‘neighbours’ then maybe you need to take another look at that list! Read the rest of this entry »

Well… You did it, it was great, what now? Guys will say — time to visit the fridge and sleep, girls will say time to discuss our destiny and future. It’s not because you are different and don’t match as a couple, but because of you are of opposite gender. However, this does not mean you cannot find harmony. Watch this nice video with a lot of subtle humour and sarcasm for better understanding as to what should you do after intimacy.

VideoJug: How To Behave After Sex

Yes, inner peace can have its symptoms, though unfortunately not many of us show them in today’s stressful life. Here are a few signs that would tell you have reached harmony and peace, but of course this is often mixed with the state of being in love.

1. You tend to think and act spontaneously, rather than fear ghosts of past experiences.
2. You easily enjoy moment without doubts and hesitations.
3. You lost interest in judging other people.
4. You don’t judge yourself anymore.
5. You don’t feel the need in interpreting others’ actions and lives.
6. You don’t worry about anything around yourself and believe everything will lead to good.
7. You appreciate all the little things around yourself, from sunlight, birds singing to someone’s accidental smile.
8. You re-discover the beauty of the Nature.
9. You notice that many unimportant things make you smile, people around you catch you smiling.
10. You let life flow and let things happen, instead of trying to make them happen.

These are serious symptoms, and some of them require attention. If you suspect you finally reached inner peace, be at guard, someone will probably screw it up sooner or later…

Your partner’s house or room can tell you almost everything about the person’s personality. For instance, those who tend to keep gifts and love letters for years are obviously romantic and sentimental, while those who live in a pigsty are, (apart from being pigs, of course), have chaotic personality, bad memory and tendency to be careless.

Colours will also tell you a lot. Cheery, happy and optimistic  people will fill their house with vivid and juicy colours, which will brig a smile to their face whenever they come home. People who prefer black and white interior design, are likely to be extreme and/or old fashioned, same goes for those who stick to classic, antique style of furniture.  On the other hand, those who prefer grayish and neutral colours probably do not have a very ambitions personality, nor socially stand out or aspire to.

Above all, when you enter the house, can you tell the person cared and invested time and creativity in the design (regardless it being for your taste of not)? Ifthe answer is “not”, he or she probably does not really care about what’s happening around them, and now you need to think… do you want to be a part of one’s surroundings, that are not cared for..?

We all think of our previous partners sometimes, it’s natural as being a part of our history. However, think about it… surely there are some partners with who we experienced unearthly experiences, which we cannot forget regardless the years that passed. Surely, some of them, if they were to call tomorrow, we would want to meet again and build up hopes to renew the relationship. There are things in life we could do only with certain partners and will not do with others anymore, and realizing this makes these certain partners from our history — unique.

Can this effect be achieved artificially?

Of course. It’s not even hard. Do you want to live in your partner’s memory forever? Do you want to make him or her crawl back to you regardless how you treat them? Naturally there is no easy to follow manual, otherwise we all would have done it, but like with everything in psychology, there are always “invisible buttons” to press on.

• Unconditional Acceptance.

Let your partner know, plainly in the face, that you accept him or her just as she/he is. Don’t do it subtly, and do not do it during a drive in a car. make sure you are both in a relaxed intimate atmosphere, where you can “explain” your partner why you choose him /her, what attracts you, what you love, and above all, regardless anything on earth — you will stay together. While this technique is simple flawless, and will work smooth on practice, there is one disadvantage. Some people seek comfort, while others are “hunters” by nature. The so called “hunters” are only able to maintain genuine interest as long as the aim is not achieved, and as long as uncertainty fills their heart. Once they get to hear that you are practically in their pocket, interest is lost. Never the less, if the person has a hunting personality, does not mean he os she is craving to be loved and accepted fully, so the trick may still work.

• Do what no one did before you.

This will work on all types of personality, ages, sexes, races and religions. Fulfil your partners wishes, especially sexual ones. Once you manage to bring your partner to the point when they open up to you, you might find some of their fantasies and desires to be shocking… Don’t panic, give it a try unless it really contradicts your idea of hygiene and relationship. If it is not going to cause any negative long-term physical effect, why not? After all, who said that all you are doing in bedroom so far your partners enjoys all that much, but he still probably does it “for you”. The thing is, when you fulfill someone’s deepest sexual desires, you achieve 2 goals at once. First of all, you indirectly let the person know you love him / her just the way they are (which as you see from previous paragraph is essential), and secondly, you from now on, you will always be the preferred partner. Girls, would you choose a guy who is scared of a mere thought about cunnilingus, frowns when you express any extra wishes and turns his back to you once he finished? Or, would you rather spend a night with someone who gets dizzy from the smell of your body, enjoys (or rather says and let you know ; -)) pleasing you and fulfills all your darkest fantasies with great pleasure? Guys, do you like girls who count down the minutes for your intimacy to end and jump away from seeing you reaching climax, or do you prefer girls who want it, and want it with You, and do anything you desire?

Even is sex is not the major part of your life routine, we ALL would always crawl back to partners who give us satisfaction like no one else does.  If your partner has no perverted fantasies (or none he / she would dare to share), just add spice and variation, make sure your partner is more than satisfied every time you are together, both physically and psychologically.

• Add some Romance into picture

We live in a world of career, pressure and tension. We don’t write letters, we email and sms. We don’t make hand-made presents, we buy or order something in shops. We don’t leave much space for romance and creativity, and you really should not undervalue it’s power. Even the most non-romantic bears melt down from some personalized attention. Personalized attention can be expressed in many ways; handwritten letter, describing your emotions and feelings, hand-made gift, picnic you arrange yourself for the 2 of you, and money other things that will steal your time, but allow you to give priceless and timeless present to your partner. No one would dare to throw away a hand-made gift, and love letters are always kept for decades and occasionally re-read by the recipient (unless they get burnt by the new partner).

• Even more Romance, do something together!

Classical tactic would be to kiss in the rain. For unknown reasons it has very strong effect. Maybe it’s the mixture of sensations, it always leaves an unforgettable memory, but please  don’t try to shorten the process in the shower, it won’t be the same! It’s up to you what will you do. You can spend a night by the bonfire at the coast, you can go swimming in a nightly sea, you can do a charity together (yes, if you do something “good” together, you will both remember it!) or you can go learn something together (dancing, yoga, karate, literature sessions… whatever).

Bottom line is, it’s up to you what and how do you do, your aim is to make your partner feel unique and valued, which indirectly make YOU unique and valued in her / his eyes. Always remember that any living creature reacts positively to warmth.  Even if your partner never shows emotions and appears to be ice-cold, don’t be afraid to make the first step and give as much warmth as you can, you probably be the first one, and it won’t pass unnoticed.

While I’d love to be say “no”, in reality it’s a big “yes”. You will be delighted to hear, however, that both so to speak rich and poor have this problem. Money, when it comes to relationship, often arise fears. When you financial status is low, you will:

1. Fear being rejected and not accepted because of your status and financial situation.
2. Worry that money might effect the level of intimacy in a relationship.
3. Finally, at some point you might need to ask your partner for a “loan”, and this, as well the expectation of your partner who might think you WOULD want a loan, could make you uncomfortable.

All of the above sounds logical, but the interesting issue is, those who are rated higher in the social-financial scale, have exactly the sale problems, only of course they are looked at from a different angle. When you financial status is high, you will:

1. Fear that you are beloved, accepted and adored only because of your status.
2. Fear that your financial advantage might effect the level of intimacy in your relationship
3. Finally, if you are stingy, you might not like the idea to be lended from.

Yes, “problems of rich people”, right? Never the less, you might wonder how it will effect the level of intimacy. Remember Everlast’s song, “Ends“? “If you’re broke she’s spittin, and if you’re rich she might swallow” Sad, and of course not in all the cases it’s true, but in many it is.

Bottom line is, unequal financial status raises concern between the partners, even tough the concern is different for both, the source of evil problem is the same, and even if partners are in love and discharge the issue in their minds, there are always enough relative and friends who will kindly outline the problem for us and recharge us with their poisonous comments and stings.

Solution?

There is no solution that can solve problem that has not been solved for many centuries now. Finding a partner of an equal financial status could be a solution, but then again, we do not count out the cash in one’s wallet before we fall in love, so we normally get in a relationship, fall in love and only then get to know about our partner’s income, unless of course they are obvious to us by the status symbols (car brand, clothes, neighborhood etc).

For partners who are already in a relationship and are aware of the financial abyss between them, there is no over-night solution, however you should find the right balance for YOU, which is — either DO talk about money and develop understanding, clear out doubts and find solutions together, or, on the other hand, DO NOT talk about money at all. Setting your financial issue as a taboo will not necessarily help, in fact — it won’t, but not reminding each other about this issue will help you both to concentrate on a more spiritual side of your love.

Don’t forget that money are a mere tool for comfortable life, and it should not be a tool for developing friendship, winning love or… destroying it.

1. Give people more than they expect from you and do it gladly, let them know and feel you are happy to give.
2. Marry a person you enjoy talking with. With age, this will be their utmost valued quality in your eyes.
3. When saying “I am sorry” — look people in the eyes.
4. Believe in love at first sight, then the romantic fire in your heart will never be put out.
5. Do not laugh over other’s dreams. Dreams are a very valued possession one can have.
6. When you love, love deeply and passionately. Of course you might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
7. When you argue and fight with friends or spouse, fight fairly without name calling.
8. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
9. Talk slowly, but think quickly. Train yourself to think quicker than you speak and NOT the other way around.
10. When someone asks you a question you don’t wish to answer, just smile and reply with a question: “Why do you want to know?”
11. Remember, great love and great success often involve great risk. Be ready to take it.
12. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson you gained.
13. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
14. Spend time alone at least every day in peace.

Happiness is not something that lays on a golden tray, somewhere beyond the horizon, away from out reach. Many researches today, prove that each of us is happy only until the limit he or she sets to themselves. It means, we decide how happy we are, and how happy we want to be. It’s all in our hands and in our full control, so let’s see how we can raise the bar and decide to be happier with our lives.

1. Be grateful for what you have. This is at times hard, but if you chance your view point on things you have and possess, you will see that your life is much better than you thought it is. You hate your small house? You are not homeless, and there are sure hundreds if not millions of people living in much worse conditions. Don’t like your job? At least you have one and it pays. Hate your reflection in the mirror? There are so many bigger problems in this world, surely many would be glad to have yours. If you got what you have now in life, and for sure I know you have access to Internet, which again many would die to have, your life is not that bad!
2. Count the positive things. Every day and week is dynamic, sometimes bad things happen, sometimes good… Sometimes these are problems, other times just great news, but many people tend to concentrate on the negative side of events. Naturally, most of the times the negative events are more memorable due to their consequences and damage they cause, but this is exactly why you have to force yourself and concentrate, count and look forward to the positive events that happen in your life and surely some do.
3. Say a little pray. Regardless your religion, turning to God cannot have negative effect. When you pray you fill yourself with hopes not to mention that you relax and find peace. Religious people would confirm the actual help praying can bring, so weather you choose to meditate for your peace of mind, or pray to your God and ask for certain help, you will get closer to happier life.
4. Keep a diary of good stuff. It may sound silly, but it works for millions of people. All you need to do is buy a small notebook, and every day when something positive happened, write it down, just as a title. For example “today I got bonus at work”… “I finally found the book I was looking for in stores”… “A friend I didn’t see for long time — called”, etc. Eventually, when your little book will gain some weight and you feel down and miserable, open it and read your “good events diary”. I promise you, your mood will improve and you will start thinking positively.
5. Spoil your senses. Or in other words, just spoil yourself. Take care of your body and health, take at least one day a week and dedicate it to yourself, buy yourself something you wanted for long time, take a relaxing bath, whatever makes YOU happy. Don’t think about pleasing others, just be selfish (unless it comes at someone’s happiness cost) and do what you enjoy. When your senses will be happy, you will be too.

Finally, don’t worry, be happy

While there are a few urban legends about boys and girls who met in kinder garden, became friends, held hands until the age of 18, got married and lived happily ever after, — in reality, it’s mostly different. People meet, come together, experiment, see if the new partner meets their needs, then switch partners, experiment some more, until they think they find the right one who gives them what they need and fills in all the holes in their heart. We only get married once (well, maybe 2-3), but before that we get into dozens of relationships, face different personalities, explore difficulties and differences. Here are 5 signs that the relationship is going downhills, and is heading to its tragic end.

1. Stereotype labeling. When we first meet the person, we have stereotypes in our minds that help us to “classify” the person. Once we are in a relationship — these stereotypes tend to vanish and we develop a strong vision of who we are dating — it’s a personality on its own, not a “sort of guy / girl that…”. When feelings fade, we get back to this stereotypic vision, especially when something irritates us, and once feelings are (almost) dead — there will always be something to piss us off. If you notice that after a long and cosy relationship your partner started to think of you in a stereotypic manner, classifying you, especially if the classification misses the target — it’s an obvious sign that either your partner has someone new and in comparison you are losing score, or he / she just got tired of you and you are turning to a burden.
2. Lack of Support. When we are blindly in love, we are ready to do anything for the person we love. When we are rationally loving our partner for certain qualities, we will still do anything for him or her, because we enjoy supporting and showing love to those we care about. Like in the previous paragraph, when love is dying, the object of our yesterday’s desire turns to a bothersome burden and we seek to get rid of it under this pretext or another. Obviously, sacrificing our precious time to support and care of someone we don’t want in our life anymore would not fit in the plans.
3. Small problems drag big scandals. This a very good sign of strong dissatisfaction in a relationship, — when one is starting with a comment about a regular, everyday problem, and end up in a discussion (on a raised tone) about the downsides, downfalls and disadvantages of each other. Either we start blaming our partner for these small everyday problems (no milk ‘cos you didn’t buy, dirty floor ‘cos you didn’t clean, can’t work cos you have a full-volume TV on, etc), or we unintentionally use these problems as a start-up platform for a bigger fight in which we can finally let go of all the bitterness and negativity, saying what we really think and what doesn’t suit us. As I said, people do it sub-consciously and are not aware of WHY they start, which is why it’s a “good” objective sign that something goes wrong and the relationship is heading to a trash can.
4. Sudden Raise of Standards. Another sequence of thought that starts going though our minds without our awareness, once the love is fading and giving space to rational mind. When your boyfriend met you, he loved you as you are and didn’t mind the few extra kilograms around your waist, but suddenly he doesn’t hesitate to point at Halle Berry as the ideal girl and of course he wouldn’t settle on anything less. When you met your girlfriend she did not mind your minimum wage salary, but now it’s somewhat a problem, it’s not enough for what she wants and you’re doubtlessly not what she could wish for in life. In other words — “suddenly”, you are not good enough and keep failing, disappointing and irritating with your habits, qualities, family and everything that comes in tow.
5. Avoiding each other’s company. When we get sick of our parter, the last thing we want is to spend time in his or her presence. We don’t enjoy it, we only face fights, and basically, we just don’t have the urge to run and spend every second of our life with him or her anymore. This is where miscellaneous pretexts start; getting late from work, various duties elsewhere that cannot be delayed, more work, more time with friends, and so on. People sometimes even unintentionally seek a “good” and “natural” reason to spend their time somewhere without the current partner’s presence.

So, these are, I think, 5 most obvious and significant factors that can undeniably indicate loss of interest in a relationship with you. If you notice that your long-term partner is showing sign of one or more of the indicators listed above, it’s safe to say you are no longer the center of his attention… Basically, if he or she only came to the point that they remind themselves the bad things that happened to you two and deny the existence of the good times you had together, it’s time to move on.