Love Blog - Men & Women’s Life After Eden

It seems to be a pretty popular topic across the love-oriented blogs, so I thought I’d cover it also. Let’s face it, most women do fake. According to researches we are talking about 70% of women who either always fake, or fake occasionally, which is a pretty big percentage! There are various reasons why would woman decide to fake it, starting from tension and inability to achieve it in the first place, to just a way of “speeding up the process” if it’s starting to take too long. Another common reason is when the couple has strong feelings to each other, the girl would not want to leave the guy with a bad feeling and do it to avoid “offending” him. Whatever the reason is: most women do it and it’s a fact.

However, not everyone do it right and this results in extra fights, tension and uncomfortable feelings, even breakups, so here are the most common mistakes women do while faking, and how to avoid them.

Mistake nr 1: All the orgasms are always identical.

This is a very common mistake women do. The real orgasms always vary in their intensity and reaction they cause, while most of the parameters and physical reactions are similar, sometimes they are stronger, sometimes they are ‘lighter’. Some make the girl scream, others pass almost unnoticed to the guy. That’s nature. However, when faking, women always think that if it won’t be loud enough OR won’t look similar to the previous time when they faked it already — then the guy would suspect something and hence they always do the routine identically.

Solution: Vary your reactions, and explain that it’s not always strong… This will look natural. naturally evil…

Mistake nr 2: Faking Vaginal Spasms (or not faking them).

Regerdless the intensity and outward appearance of woman’s orgasm, there are always always always vaginal spasms that are impossible to ignore if you are inside her. They come in sequence, from about 5 to 20+, relatively fast and strong. Woman with more experience knows that they need to fake that too, which is very hard, while women with less experience in this area don’t do it in the first place and then, it’s rather obvious to the guy that this was fake.

Solution: If the girl decides to fake the spasms, she would either apply tension on her entire genitals system (which is also wrong because you would squeeze all the muscles and won’t have the “pauses” between the spasms), or try to “squeeze” the vaginal muscles, Read the rest of this entry »

I guess many people ask themselves this question at least once in a relationship, when they face their other half and either have to admit past lies at the risk of losing their relationship, or - lie and leave everything as it is.

Being on the other side of things, I know from personal experience that sometimes you are ready to be lied to, just so the other half will not leave, and at times we don’t even need the naked truth to kill our love. But, is it right? Problem is, not everyone is forgiving, not everyone is ready to tolerate a fact of being lied to, deceived or betrayed. Most husbands, unfortunately, do betray their dearly beloved wives, but admitting this would mean their suitcase will be thrown out of the window, so, will they..? Of course not.

In my opinion, admitting is always better — if your partner loves you, he or she would not want to lose you and would probably accept anything. It’s still better if truth will come out after a few years when you developed much deeper feelings, and you should take into account this possibility.

Having said that, with all my understanding of how beneficial it is to be perfectly honest, I never ever admitted anything, when I had something to hide, simply cos I had no guts, and was afraid of the consequences. It’s really sad that now-a-days we are a nation of cowards.

Building self confidence can take months and in most cases — years. Building strong self confidence over night is mission however, here are a few tips that will help you to deal with situations as they come, and build a strong and unbeatable confidence in your actions, get rid of fears and learn to understand each and every situation better. So…

1.) Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Too often, we place excess importance on potential problems. We all have a certain amount of energy so let’s apply it to creating extraordinary relationships, advancing our careers and meeting our goals INSTEAD of wasting that energy worrying. Take action on what you have control over and minimize risks for what you don’t. Then invest your energy wisely. Read the rest of this entry »

One of my favorite magazines published today an article, dealing with “5 types of women to avoid”, and the list goes as follow. Female Types to Avoid:

1. The Smart-Ass (someone who is not just witty but beats the opinionated war drum)
2. The Gold-Digger (someone who enjoys the company of your wallet more than your own)
3. Ms Right (someone who always have to have it all her way, not because she is demanding, but because she is “just always right”)
4. The Psycho (someone insecure, who will call you 10 times a day and pop out in your working place)
5. The Rebound (Hmm… ok, no need to explain)

Now, how can you EVER recognize a rebound? For instance, AskMen says:

The Rebound
This type of woman is probably the most notorious on this list. You’ve heard the warnings to avoid being the “rebound” guy, and it’s a proven piece of advice. But yet, so many of us mistakenly fall for a woman without having a clue about her past relationships. When we encounter a beautiful woman who makes a hell of a first impression, the attraction we feel is clockwork human behavior. We seem to skip over our judgments in the hope that this will be love at first sight. But in this day and age, we are more often than not led down the wrong path, and what guys see as a blessed relationship is really just a temporary comfort for her.

The Rebound knows you are a good guy, so don’t think you’re failing the test. However, you’ve shown up at the right place at the wrong time — the invitation said seven, but you arrived at six. You’re too early, and she’s not ready. It’s difficult to offer any advice on how to pinpoint these types of women, but a good indicator is how persistent her friends are in trying to set her up with you, and how reluctant she is to do it, much to the chagrin of her friends. If you sense reluctance, trust your instinct. Don’t bite.

I have had (many) rebounds in my life, I doubt any of them even suspected until the last moment and I believe I maybe have been someone’s rebound as well. Problem starts, when some women (or men) seek a rebound subconsciously, and are unaware themselves of the nearing end. What if the previous wounds NEVER heal? While a guy can easily spot a gold digger, a smart ass, the Ms right or the ever-insecure psycho, the rebound will forever stay a trap men will fall into. Well, sadly, women too.

Please note that this post was NOT written by a previously burnt male, but by a smarty gold-digger psycho woman.

Okay, Saturday night. You just had a romantic dinner, you talked and laughed, you discovered you have a lot in common and life seems beautiful than ever before, you can’t wait to get in a taxi and finally to be alone so you can explore your feelings and exhibit the previously learnt skills. But, remember, apart from the obvious bedroom mistakes, there are still a few things to concentrate on…

• “Ow, you are already there?!”

Now, imagine this scenario… you are a guy, ardently kissing your partner, teasing her… she begs to penetrate her but you tease her some more, until you finally enterrrr… Her moans tempo remains the same and 10 seconds after, in the heat of the passion, she repeats her plea to penetrate her. Uuuhm. Should you explain you are already there or tell her it’s just too big for her and you will have mercy on her tonight..? It sounds funny (or sad?), but it happens. If the guy does not have Apollo13 at his disposal, and if the girl is too aroused (which means she is not very tight anymore) AND moreover if you employed your hands beforehand, you might find yourself in a similar situation. Girls: make sure you don’t ask for something you already got. Guys, announce it out loud if you feel it might get overlooked.

• “Oh my dear John… I mean Matt!”

This also happens now and then. You’ve had a partner for years and got used to repeating a certain name in bed. It became more of a classical conditioning reflex rather than expression of a beloved name. After a few years you break up and you go to bed with someone else. Intimate atmosphere, your are making out, closing your eyes… (here comes our well-trained Pavlov’s dog) — whispering the incorrect name. Oops! It happened to me once and I got a hard slap in the face for it, since then I learnt one lesson: never ever call your partners by their names in bed. Give them a neutral pet name, because if in the heat of the passion you say “oh yes my panther, do it to me” instead of “oh yes my lion, don’t stop”, I promise you — it will cause no harm (just don’t panic yourself if you said something wrong!)

• “You have the biggest ____ ever!”

Read the rest of this entry »

Well, yes, unless the partner takes offense. Doh!

When being sarcastic, poisonous, razor-sharp and cynical in your comments, it’s always very important not to get personal. You can see a funny picture if a piggy wallowing in mud on TV and say “hey darling, look, you are broadcasted!” but that won’t be the same as saying “you are a pig!”.

Basically, the key here is being indirect in your comments and remarks.

The less direct and concrete you are in your remark, the more space it leaves to wit and fun. Naturally, it is all, always, depends on the WAY you say it and your face expression. Remember to smile and give your partner a playful look when you make a sting — this way, even if you crossed the line a bit and slightly hurted, you will smoother the situation.

Let’s face the obvious fact that most people, at some point in their life, make sacrifices in one way or another in or for the sake of the relationship. It’s natural, when people from different families, backgrounds, interest-fields come together, they need to adjust and from time to time, one has to give up and sacrifice something, but… Some people do not realize that this is a natural long term relationship process and especially emphasize every step they took, which they consider, and want to be considered as a sacrifice.

There are two basic types of sacrifices, and the idea is that the willingness and readiness to make a sacrifice for your beloved — shows you’ve passed the first stage of your relationship and is ready for a long term, serious tie, which will “require” something from your side. In theory, sacrifice is linked to commitment, because of the reason explained above.

Feminists, however, have a theory of their own, and their views on the subject are rather different, and I must say, non-acceptable by many men and woman, for obvious reasons. They point that women feel they have to make greater sacrifices than men to maintain their relationship. In this case we can say that sacrifice is associated with depression, rather than with commitment or any other possitive emotion. In other words, according to first theory, people sacrifice because they want and feel ready and glad to do it, while the second theory indicates you HAVE to sacrifice, if you are a female, in order to keep up with your existing relationship and not to lose it.

It’s important to remember that it’s not the sacrifice itself that plays a big role, but the way both individuals in a relationship see this sacrifice. Does your partner gives in and sacrifies because he or she wants to, or because he feels obliged, or because s/he does not want to lose you? Either way, making sacrifices in a relationship is our free choice, and unless we were asked for it, and really unwillingly did it, there is no reason to poke our partner’s nose into our own sacrificial actions.

For instance, if you chose to relocate because of your new partner, it’s still and all YOUR choice. Moreover, your free choice. You cannot blame your partner for being important enough and dear enough, as a result you could not bear a mere thought of separation and choose to relocate, which resulted in more losses than you could foresee.

I always say that being a “victim” is our free choice.

Conclusion? If you make a sacrifice (and you DO make it out free will, weather you realize it or not), do not turn it to a traditional theme for discussion every dinner, it won’t do any good to your relationship and moreover, milling over it does not make it any bigger.

We all think of our previous partners sometimes, it’s natural as being a part of our history. However, think about it… surely there are some partners with who we experienced unearthly experiences, which we cannot forget regardless the years that passed. Surely, some of them, if they were to call tomorrow, we would want to meet again and build up hopes to renew the relationship. There are things in life we could do only with certain partners and will not do with others anymore, and realizing this makes these certain partners from our history — unique.

Can this effect be achieved artificially?

Of course. It’s not even hard. Do you want to live in your partner’s memory forever? Do you want to make him or her crawl back to you regardless how you treat them? Naturally there is no easy to follow manual, otherwise we all would have done it, but like with everything in psychology, there are always “invisible buttons” to press on.

• Unconditional Acceptance.

Let your partner know, plainly in the face, that you accept him or her just as she/he is. Don’t do it subtly, and do not do it during a drive in a car. make sure you are both in a relaxed intimate atmosphere, where you can “explain” your partner why you choose him /her, what attracts you, what you love, and above all, regardless anything on earth — you will stay together. While this technique is simple flawless, and will work smooth on practice, there is one disadvantage. Some people seek comfort, while others are “hunters” by nature. The so called “hunters” are only able to maintain genuine interest as long as the aim is not achieved, and as long as uncertainty fills their heart. Once they get to hear that you are practically in their pocket, interest is lost. Never the less, if the person has a hunting personality, does not mean he os she is craving to be loved and accepted fully, so the trick may still work.

• Do what no one did before you.

This will work on all types of personality, ages, sexes, races and religions. Fulfil your partners wishes, especially sexual ones. Once you manage to bring your partner to the point when they open up to you, you might find some of their fantasies and desires to be shocking… Don’t panic, give it a try unless it really contradicts your idea of hygiene and relationship. If it is not going to cause any negative long-term physical effect, why not? After all, who said that all you are doing in bedroom so far your partners enjoys all that much, but he still probably does it “for you”. The thing is, when you fulfill someone’s deepest sexual desires, you achieve 2 goals at once. First of all, you indirectly let the person know you love him / her just the way they are (which as you see from previous paragraph is essential), and secondly, you from now on, you will always be the preferred partner. Girls, would you choose a guy who is scared of a mere thought about cunnilingus, frowns when you express any extra wishes and turns his back to you once he finished? Or, would you rather spend a night with someone who gets dizzy from the smell of your body, enjoys (or rather says and let you know ; -)) pleasing you and fulfills all your darkest fantasies with great pleasure? Guys, do you like girls who count down the minutes for your intimacy to end and jump away from seeing you reaching climax, or do you prefer girls who want it, and want it with You, and do anything you desire?

Even is sex is not the major part of your life routine, we ALL would always crawl back to partners who give us satisfaction like no one else does.  If your partner has no perverted fantasies (or none he / she would dare to share), just add spice and variation, make sure your partner is more than satisfied every time you are together, both physically and psychologically.

• Add some Romance into picture

We live in a world of career, pressure and tension. We don’t write letters, we email and sms. We don’t make hand-made presents, we buy or order something in shops. We don’t leave much space for romance and creativity, and you really should not undervalue it’s power. Even the most non-romantic bears melt down from some personalized attention. Personalized attention can be expressed in many ways; handwritten letter, describing your emotions and feelings, hand-made gift, picnic you arrange yourself for the 2 of you, and money other things that will steal your time, but allow you to give priceless and timeless present to your partner. No one would dare to throw away a hand-made gift, and love letters are always kept for decades and occasionally re-read by the recipient (unless they get burnt by the new partner).

• Even more Romance, do something together!

Classical tactic would be to kiss in the rain. For unknown reasons it has very strong effect. Maybe it’s the mixture of sensations, it always leaves an unforgettable memory, but please  don’t try to shorten the process in the shower, it won’t be the same! It’s up to you what will you do. You can spend a night by the bonfire at the coast, you can go swimming in a nightly sea, you can do a charity together (yes, if you do something “good” together, you will both remember it!) or you can go learn something together (dancing, yoga, karate, literature sessions… whatever).

Bottom line is, it’s up to you what and how do you do, your aim is to make your partner feel unique and valued, which indirectly make YOU unique and valued in her / his eyes. Always remember that any living creature reacts positively to warmth.  Even if your partner never shows emotions and appears to be ice-cold, don’t be afraid to make the first step and give as much warmth as you can, you probably be the first one, and it won’t pass unnoticed.

While I’d love to be say “no”, in reality it’s a big “yes”. You will be delighted to hear, however, that both so to speak rich and poor have this problem. Money, when it comes to relationship, often arise fears. When you financial status is low, you will:

1. Fear being rejected and not accepted because of your status and financial situation.
2. Worry that money might effect the level of intimacy in a relationship.
3. Finally, at some point you might need to ask your partner for a “loan”, and this, as well the expectation of your partner who might think you WOULD want a loan, could make you uncomfortable.

All of the above sounds logical, but the interesting issue is, those who are rated higher in the social-financial scale, have exactly the sale problems, only of course they are looked at from a different angle. When you financial status is high, you will:

1. Fear that you are beloved, accepted and adored only because of your status.
2. Fear that your financial advantage might effect the level of intimacy in your relationship
3. Finally, if you are stingy, you might not like the idea to be lended from.

Yes, “problems of rich people”, right? Never the less, you might wonder how it will effect the level of intimacy. Remember Everlast’s song, “Ends“? “If you’re broke she’s spittin, and if you’re rich she might swallow” Sad, and of course not in all the cases it’s true, but in many it is.

Bottom line is, unequal financial status raises concern between the partners, even tough the concern is different for both, the source of evil problem is the same, and even if partners are in love and discharge the issue in their minds, there are always enough relative and friends who will kindly outline the problem for us and recharge us with their poisonous comments and stings.

Solution?

There is no solution that can solve problem that has not been solved for many centuries now. Finding a partner of an equal financial status could be a solution, but then again, we do not count out the cash in one’s wallet before we fall in love, so we normally get in a relationship, fall in love and only then get to know about our partner’s income, unless of course they are obvious to us by the status symbols (car brand, clothes, neighborhood etc).

For partners who are already in a relationship and are aware of the financial abyss between them, there is no over-night solution, however you should find the right balance for YOU, which is — either DO talk about money and develop understanding, clear out doubts and find solutions together, or, on the other hand, DO NOT talk about money at all. Setting your financial issue as a taboo will not necessarily help, in fact — it won’t, but not reminding each other about this issue will help you both to concentrate on a more spiritual side of your love.

Don’t forget that money are a mere tool for comfortable life, and it should not be a tool for developing friendship, winning love or… destroying it.

While the best would be “DON’T fight in the first place”, we still can’t ignore the fact that any couple occasionally has fights. Some fight more often, some rarely, some fight over small things while others only raise a riot when it’s really a matter of life and death. It all depends on how sensitive and hot-blooded both parts in the relationship are.

Let’s assume that, for whatever reasons, you do fight with the person you love. Although it’s hard, try to stay reasonable. Try not to say things with intention to hurt, or rather with ONLY intention to hurt. Even if the fight seem to be heading far and will probably have some long term consequences, the chances that you will split after this fight are slim, therefore whatever you say, will be used against you for the rest of your life, especially if you are a man and arguing with your beloved spouse.

First of all, don’t fight, argue. If the argument has some reasonably recognizable basis (even so called “blind jealousy” has a bit of a basis) — either agree and admit your mistakes, or bring on some proves and contra-arguments that will put an end to the unreasonable accusations.

Remember that most arguments are probably pointless, i.e. after one month they are forgotten and the issues they brought up are buried. They really don’t worth energy wasting on, yet we still do. Try to make them as short as possible (if they already pop up against your will, initiated by your partner) and try to following a reasonable guidelines:

• Think first and don’t lose common sense: is there anything (and I mean a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g) that could be achieved from the argument at least at this point of the fight? If the answer is “NO” (and it’s likely to be), just stop talking, no matter how angry you are and cut the fight.
• Don’t repeat yourself over and over. Making your point once is much more powerful than repeating it over and over again, hysterically shouting, yelling, begging, screaming, crying. Once you repeat it many times it may as well lose point, rather than gain it.
• Don’t respond to words that were meant to make you angry. Ignore them as hard as it may seem. Sometimes you know your partner say things just to provoke and make you angry, hoping you will respond. Don’t give your partner the pleasure, ignore it and you will save yourself nerves and enjoy seeing him or her practically burning from anger, only because you did not react. Most common way to bait you would be saying something like: “You are just like your father!” (especially if there are enough negative references) or… “You always do the same thing!” — recognize such statements and leave them out.
• Don’t expect your partner to admit mistakes. In a middle or in the end of the fight, never mind how endlessly you were right, don’t push your partner to admit he or she was wrong and worst of all, admit that your suggest to put this fight to an end was brilliant. You both know it, no need to have it said out loud.

Basically, the best way to win in a fight is to avoid it. Even if things already started to heat up, you can change theme, switch your partner’s attention to something else (if you manage to switch somehow to intimacy — it’s best, because you both can convert your boiling energy into something useful and no less exhausting).

One of the famous psychologists say that “In the best relationships, there remain serious pockets of unresolved bitterness” — it’s a fact that arguments never fully get settled and it’s normal. The trick is o know how to handle them with minimum damage for yourself and your partner / relationship.